I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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