there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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