how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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