I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
