just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
