i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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