Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
