Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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