I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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