i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
