her vagine was all disorganized.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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