You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
