Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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