My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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