Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
