He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
