That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
