My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
