end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The best revenge is premature balding
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
