I'm so fucking centered right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
