all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
