If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
