Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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