We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
