i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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