Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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