just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
