dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
pray to the hookup gods
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
