dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
