I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
