I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
