I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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