so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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