SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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