I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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