Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
