mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
