is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
