my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
