just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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