I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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