the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
