I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
