he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
