The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
