I can text with my tongue
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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