i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
