Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
