I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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