woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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