Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize