You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Porn is love you can see.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
