Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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