he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
