they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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