You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
