She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
