Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So apparently I’m into choking now
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