why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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