He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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