i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
