then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's JV to your varsity
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
