Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
