I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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