I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
