My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
