the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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