so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
