I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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