he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
